Lies Fitness Trainers Tell Their Clients All The Time

Lies Fitness Trainers Tell Their Clients All The Time

PublishedJanuary 3, 2022

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“I’ve helped clients in worse shape than you.”

“I’ve helped clients in worse shape than you.”

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They haven’t, and they’re absolutely panicking inside about what the fuck to do with you.

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“You’re going to look in the mirror and like the person looking back at you.”

“You’re going to look in the mirror and like the person looking back at you.”

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Not unless their burpees also cure lifelong mental illness.

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“You can do this.”

“You can do this.”

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Do they not have access to the gym’s attendance data?

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“Muscle weighs more than fat.”

“Muscle weighs more than fat.”

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They’re thinking of skin. Skin weighs more than fat.

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“You could stand to lose 700 pounds or so.”

“You could stand to lose 700 pounds or so.”

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And put your TLC production deal in jeopardy?

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“I know what abs are.”

“I know what abs are.”

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Most trainers don’t and discreetly google the muscle group while you’re doing crunches.

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“If you survive, you’re not working hard enough.”

“If you survive, you’re not working hard enough.”

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The unscrupulous trainer always tells their clients that someone should discover their dead body if they’re serious about gains.

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“Pasta is bad for you.”

“Pasta is bad for you.”

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Only true in cases where the person they say this to has a family, a partner, or something else to live for.

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“Don’t work out in jeans.”

“Don’t work out in jeans.”

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A complete fabrication that trainers will often say out of jealousy for how good your ass looks in those Levi’s.

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“It’s a good deal when you look at what you’re getting for the price.”

“It’s a good deal when you look at what you’re getting for the price.”

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Not when you factor in the reality that you’re only going to show up for the first session in a 10-class bundle.

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“These Banana Muffin Bites are the perfect workout recovery food.”

“These Banana Muffin Bites are the perfect workout recovery food.”

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He’s clearly just shilling his own snack food company which has bankrupted him and torn apart his entire family.

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“Every exercise requires that I gently knead your buttocks.”

“Every exercise requires that I gently knead your buttocks.”

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Disturbing and untrue. It is 30 to 40% at most.

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“I actually trained Jason Momoa for his role in Knife Lord.”

“I actually trained Jason Momoa for his role in Knife Lord.”

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Jason Momoa has never been in a film with the name Knife Lord, and we’re pretty sure that’s not even a real franchise.

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“You have an outstanding bill of $900.”

“You have an outstanding bill of $900.”

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They’re just saying this to motivate you to keep on pushing.

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“Your husband will never find out that we are sleeping together.”

“Your husband will never find out that we are sleeping together.”

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You’ve been pounding each other nonstop in the gym steam room. There’s no way someone doesn’t tell him.

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“See you next week!”

“See you next week!”

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Most trainers can’t resist the call of the road and are off to wherever their feet take them soon after your session.

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“It’s never too late to start your fitness journey.”

“It’s never too late to start your fitness journey.”

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The official cut-off is age 56.

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“That’s a world record for push-ups.”

“That’s a world record for push-ups.”

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The world record is not three with no actual good ones.

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“Your credit card was denied”

“Your credit card was denied”

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No, that can’t be right; you just used that card this morning. Ask them to swipe it again.

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“If you don’t exercise your triceps enough, they will fall off.”

“If you don’t exercise your triceps enough, they will fall off.”

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Triceps only fall off as a result of certain diseases, it has nothing to do with your level of fitness.

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“You’ve hit your goal weight!”

“You’ve hit your goal weight!”

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And yet, it’s never going to be enough, is it?

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