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“There are zero casualties on the Russian side.”
“There are zero casualties on the Russian side.”
All Russian soldiers who were killed on enemy land are considered traitors.
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“Putin is just trying to see if he left his phone in Kyiv.”
“Putin is just trying to see if he left his phone in Kyiv.”
It’s a weird technique to bomb the place you think you forgot your phone to see if it somehow turns up.
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“Ukrainian citizens are not in any danger.”
“Ukrainian citizens are not in any danger.”
There is a general consensus that being shot and killed counts as danger.
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“Euphoria is a good show.”
“Euphoria is a good show.”
Sydney Sweeney’s work on the HBO show is mostly propagandistic.
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“Everyone who joins the Russian army will get a free phone upgrade, no matter the model.”
“Everyone who joins the Russian army will get a free phone upgrade, no matter the model.”
They say that, but then there’s all these hidden rules like it’s got to be a Samsung or something.
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“Ukrainian children actually love bombs.”
“Ukrainian children actually love bombs.”
After some devastating experiments, Snopes has disproved this claim.
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“We didn’t accidentally set Chernobyl on fire.”
“We didn’t accidentally set Chernobyl on fire.”
That’s so specific, just don’t say anything at all.
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“We’ve captured Joe Biden and are close to making him give us McDonald’s back.”
“We’ve captured Joe Biden and are close to making him give us McDonald’s back.”
Biden doesn’t have the authority to do that.
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“I’m fine!”
“I’m fine!”
But their body language says otherwise, and it’s gonna be a whole thing tonight if you don’t figure out what’s wrong soon.
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“The west hates us and wants to subjugate us.”
“The west hates us and wants to subjugate us.”
The west hates and wants to subjugate everybody. Get over yourselves.
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“We’re renovating a mall in Kyiv”
“We’re renovating a mall in Kyiv”
It’s easier to justify reducing a city to rubble if Russians think it’s for a cool new mall.
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“Our troops will be invincible after one sip of Krushka & Bochka Kvass soda.”
“Our troops will be invincible after one sip of Krushka & Bochka Kvass soda.”
The media is obligated to run native ads due to their partnership with Russian food brands.
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“Following a failed bio lab experiment, all Ukrainians are now mutant zombies who have acquired a taste for human flesh.”
“Following a failed bio lab experiment, all Ukrainians are now mutant zombies who have acquired a taste for human flesh.”
That’s the plot of the Resident Evil franchise.
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“Ukrainians like being bombed.”
“Ukrainians like being bombed.”
Not sure who they think they’re fooling with this one.
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“We had to save the world from alien spores which fell into Ukraine and replaced its population with emotionless clones.”
“We had to save the world from alien spores which fell into Ukraine and replaced its population with emotionless clones.”
Okay, that sounds suspiciously like the plot of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.
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“The United States is sanctioning us because they are jealous of our success staging the Beijing Olympics.”
“The United States is sanctioning us because they are jealous of our success staging the Beijing Olympics.”
This one seems clearly wrong.
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“If you let me have Ukraine, I promise I’ll never ask for another country again!”
“If you let me have Ukraine, I promise I’ll never ask for another country again!”
They say that now, but come the holidays, they’re just going to be begging for more.
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“Russian casualties have been minimal.”
“Russian casualties have been minimal.”
An encouraging way of saying your son’s coming home in a box.
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“We’ve won!”
“We’ve won!”
Positive, forward thinking is an important aspect of goal-making, but this just isn’t true.
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