LocalRupert Murdoch Knew Fiancée Was The One When She Repeatedly Lied To Public About Loving HimNEW YORK—Saying he had fallen for her the moment he realized she valued money over truth just as much as he did, News Corp and Fox News chair Rupert Murdoch told reporters Thursday he knew his fiancée was the one when she repeatedly lied to the…
LocalEpstein Island Housekeeping Staff Starting To Wonder If Anybody Coming BackLITTLE ST. JAMES, U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS—Questioning whether all their upkeep efforts might be going to waste, the housekeeping staff of deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein reportedly started to wonder Thursday if anyone was coming back. “We’ve been…
LocalAnnotations In Used Copy Of ‘Autobiography Of Malcolm X’ Make It Painfully Obvious That Previous Owner Was WhiteCHICAGO—With dumbfounded question marks and astounded exclamation points littering the margins of almost every page, the handwritten annotations found Wednesday in a secondhand copy of The Autobiography Of Malcolm X made it painfully obvious that…
LocalCatholic High School Newsletter Has Updates On Which Alumni Are In Hell NowFLINT, MI—Calling the dispatches a great way for students to learn what the institution’s former attendees have accomplished since graduation, sources confirmed Tuesday that the Powers Catholic High School’s newsletter provides updates on which…
News In BriefDisappointed Man Reaches Bottom Of Ice Cream Carton Right When He Was Hitting His StrideCLEMSON, SC—Kicking himself for not buying more than a single pint, local man Billy Crenshaw was reportedly disappointed Monday that he had reached the bottom of the ice cream carton right when he was hitting his stride. “Oh man, I was in the…
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