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Image for HR Department Rings Gong Every Time They Successfully Cover Up Sexual Harassment

HR Department Rings Gong Every Time They Successfully Cover Up Sexual Harassment

SAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to boost morale by celebrating their accomplishments, the human resources department at a local tech start-up reportedly decided Wednesday to ring a gong every time they successfully covered up sexual harassment. “It’s…

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Tips For Officiating A Wedding

More couples are opting to have a friend or family member officiate a wedding rather than a member of the clergy, but that can put pressure on the officiant to make sure the ceremony goes smoothly. The Onion offers helpful tips for officiating a…

Image for Things To Never Say To Someone Who Can’t Breastfeed

Things To Never Say To Someone Who Can’t Breastfeed

Being unable to lactate does make you a bad mother, but you’re not supposed to admit that. Never say the following things to someone who can’t breastfeed.

Image for Biggest Misconceptions Men Have About Sexual Reproduction

Biggest Misconceptions Men Have About Sexual Reproduction

As the abortion debate intensifies, it’s become abundantly clear that most men don’t know the first thing about sexual reproduction. Here are the biggest misconceptions guys need to correct ASAP.

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News In Brief

Image for HR Department Rings Gong Every Time They Successfully Cover Up Sexual Harassment

HR Department Rings Gong Every Time They Successfully Cover Up Sexual Harassment

Image for Police Report Bystander Killed By Officer Had Long History Of Bystanding

Police Report Bystander Killed By Officer Had Long History Of Bystanding

Image for Report: Dad Won’t Admit He Feels Cute In New Hat

Report: Dad Won’t Admit He Feels Cute In New Hat

Image for Affection For Restaurant Dialed Back Upon Realization It A Chain

Affection For Restaurant Dialed Back Upon Realization It A Chain

Slideshow

Image for Biggest Misconceptions Men Have About Sexual Reproduction

Biggest Misconceptions Men Have About Sexual Reproduction

Image for Things To Never Say To Someone Who Can’t Breastfeed

Things To Never Say To Someone Who Can’t Breastfeed

Image for Things New Yorkers Hate Most About L.A.

Things New Yorkers Hate Most About L.A.

Image for Excuses Men Use To Not Get Married

Excuses Men Use To Not Get Married

News In Photos

Image for Elderly Man Spends Afternoon Feeding Self To Ducks

Elderly Man Spends Afternoon Feeding Self To Ducks

Image for Unclear Where Old Man At Coffee Shop Got Little Thing Of Rice Pudding

Unclear Where Old Man At Coffee Shop Got Little Thing Of Rice Pudding

Image for Students Unknowingly Egg Teacher’s Home

Students Unknowingly Egg Teacher’s Home

Image for Crown Royal Bag Turns Over New Leaf As First Grader’s Pencil Case

Crown Royal Bag Turns Over New Leaf As First Grader’s Pencil Case

Infographic

Image for Tips For Officiating A Wedding

Tips For Officiating A Wedding

Image for The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Travel In Comfort And Style

The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Travel In Comfort And Style

Image for ‘The Onion’ Guide To Tipping

‘The Onion’ Guide To Tipping

Image for The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Find The Perfect Spring-Cleaning Products

The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Find The Perfect Spring-Cleaning Products

Weather Center

Image for Weather Forecast Says It's Windy As A Bastard

Weather Forecast Says It's Windy As A Bastard

Image for Nauseatingly Precious NYC Couples To Walk Around In Rain

Nauseatingly Precious NYC Couples To Walk Around In Rain

Image for Scattered Deaths Of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout The Week

Scattered Deaths Of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout The Week

Image for We Dumb It Down The Best We Can For Our Viewers In The Deep South

We Dumb It Down The Best We Can For Our Viewers In The Deep South

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