LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefNew Diversity Initiative Encourages Employees To Lie About Their RaceSAN FRANCISCO—Acknowledging the company’s overwhelmingly white culture presented “a continuing challenge,” cloud…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefMan Scared Of Committing To AirPods Just Because He Afraid To Someday Lose ThemCHICAGO—Reflecting on anxieties he said were rooted in attachment issues from his childhood, a local man told…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefUrban Overplanner Issues Minute-By-Minute Daily Schedule For Each Of City’s ResidentsSEATTLE—Rigorously highlighting various times, locations, and transit routes on a large stack of itineraries, urban…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefPregnant Woman Playing Lots Of Mozart In Hope Of Making Husband SmarterBROOMFIELD, CO—Noting it was a critical time for development, local woman Hailey Dobson told reporters Monday she…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefFetus Steps Outside Womb For Quick Cigarette BreakKEARNEY, NE—Explaining he felt “all cooped up in that place” and needed to clear his head, a local fetus reportedly…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefSurgeon Loses Another Patient Under Operating TableROCHESTER, MN—Reflecting that it never got easier to break the tragic news to the family, surgeon Peter Broadwell…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefEnlightened Child Realizes Chasing Vendetta No Way To Spend Entire Bumper Car RideWAUKESHA, WI—Reminding himself that forgiveness was above all a gift to himself, enlightened 8-year-old Trevor…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefKindhearted Bouncer Lets Everyone Into Club For Being Hot In Their Own Special WayCHICAGO—In keeping with his responsibility to ensure only the ideal clientele were permitted entry, Tempo Bar’s…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefAstronaut Lifts Helmet To Sneak Quick Forbidden Gulp Of Space AirLOW EARTH ORBIT—Admitting he knew it wasn’t strictly allowed by his mission commanders, astronaut Lance Mann…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefDad Reads Menu With Restaurant Candle Like Archaeologist Deciphering Ancient RunesKANSAS CITY, MO—Bringing the flame closer to the strange markings scrawled on the sheet before him, local dad Joe…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In Brief‘There’s A Razor On The Sink,’ Says Nurse Sending Patient To Bathroom To Fill Up Cup With BloodNORMAN, OK—Assuring the man it was “all routine,” local registered nurse Danielle Fitzpatrick reportedly told a…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefBarber Sedates Nervous Man Before HaircutCEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA—In an effort to create a more relaxed and safe environment for himself and the other customers, …
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefEvery Radio Station In Rural Area Playing Same Stupid Emergency Tornado WarningSLAPOUT, OK—Bemoaning the complete lack of cultural diversity in the barren stretch of prairie, sources confirmed…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefMan Doesn’t Understand Why Mothers Facing Formula Shortage Don’t Just Feed Baby Breast MeatPENSACOLA, FL—Remarking upon what he called the “unbelievable laziness” of American women, a local man reported…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefRespectful Bear Waiting To Attack Tent Until Couple Inside Finishes FightFAIRBANKS, AK—Saying the pair sounded as if they were going through enough as it was, a respectful grizzly bear told…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefCommencement Speaker Some Rando Who Pioneered Lifesaving Medical ResearchLOS ANGELES—Complaining that he droned on about “futures” and “potentials” during his address at their college…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In Brief‘Well, At Least You Had Fun,’ Says Mother In Most Devastating Takedown Of Wedding YetRANCHO PALOS VERDES, CA—Commenting on the many “interesting choices” for the special day, local mother Patricia…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In Brief‘I’m From Michigan, Too,’ Says Man Hitting It Off With Locally Grown LettuceCHICAGO—Reportedly hitting it off with a fellow native of the Great Lakes State he bumped into Wednesday, area man…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefDad Delivers Annual State Of The Lawn AddressNAPERVILLE, IL—Addressing members of the household from a front yard lectern, local dad Jim Martin delivered his…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefLouisiana Police Officer Plants Aborted Fetus On Black SuspectMANDEVILLE, LA—Shining his flashlight into the driver’s face and feigning surprise as he “discovered” the…