LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefDisappointed Man Reaches Bottom Of Ice Cream Carton Right When He Was Hitting His StrideCLEMSON, SC—Kicking himself for not buying more than a single pint, local man Billy Crenshaw was reportedly…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefSingle Woman Feels Safer Keeping Loaded Baked Potato In NightstandHOBOKEN, NJ—Saying she wanted one within arm’s reach in case of an emergency, local single woman Frances Higgins…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefCat Clinging To Side Of Christmas Tree Admits That Was Extent Of PlanCOLUMBUS, GA—Drawing a blank just seconds after landing on the trunk of the Douglas fir, local domestic shorthair…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefUncle Returns From Trip Abroad With Treasure Trove Of Prescription MedicationsAMARILLO, TX—Opening his suitcase to reveal a glowing bounty of illegally smuggled lotions, pills, and inhalers,…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefElementary School Lesson On Water Cycle Explains How Water Becomes Property Of NestléHUDSON, NY—In a lesson intended to help her class understand the crucial feature of ecology, elementary school…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefWinter Clothing Drive Puts Out Urgent Request For More Giant Foam FingersCHICAGO—Warning that many needy families could be left without team paraphernalia during the winter sports season, a…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefLifeguard Has To Admit Riptide Just Wanted It MorePENSACOLA, FL—Saying he gave it his all but simply came up short, lifeguard Brett Canberra reportedly had to admit…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefBlack Coworker Probably Wants Someone To Bring Up Negro League Baseball To Him Out Of NowhereWATERBURY, CT—As he attempted to mind his business and go about his day as the only African American person in his…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefFamily Scandalized After Grandmother Leaves Hot, Young Caretaker Her Cherished Cobbler RecipeGREENWICH, CT—Bursting into shouts of opposition as an attorney read aloud her will, members of the local Douvry…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefProgressive In Year 2180 Blasts Gender Discrimination In Conscription Practices Of Nabisco’s Corporate MilitaryEAST HANOVER, NJ—Criticizing the outdated attitudes and policies of the most powerful branch of the armed services,…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In Brief‘So What Do You Do For Work?’ Says Man In Brilliant Opening Gambit Of Making Woman Love HimHYDE PARK, NY—Moments after being seated at local establishment Stonehill Tavern, local man Jeremy Kilpatrick…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefTwins Invent Secret Sex Move They Only Use With Each OtherFORT WAYNE, IN—Noting the odd idiosyncrasy exclusive to the identical pair, sources reported Wednesday that two area…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefSWAT Team Busts Down Door Of Denver Woman’s Home To Apologize For Previous RaidDENVER—After local woman Ruby Johnson filed a lawsuit claiming police had conducted an illegal search when they…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefRat Mother Accused Of Savoring One Child Over AnotherNEW YORK—According to a source huddling nearby in the basement of an apartment building, a local rat mother came…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefWoman Embraces Holiday Spirit By Telling Strangers She Doesn’t Speak To Her FamilyANN ARBOR, MI—With a twinkle of seasonal cheer in her eyes as she informs well-wishers of her estrangement from her…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In Brief‘It’s Not Too Bad,’ Says Man As Hot Sauce Begins Disintegrating JawMITCHELL, SD—After assuring his dinner companions at Blarney’s Sports Bar and Grill that he was more than capable of…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefMom Doing Full-Time, Unpaid PR For Some Disney+ Show About WhalesWAYNESVILLE, OH—Launching what appeared to be a fully coordinated social media campaign to alert family and friends…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefMan Afraid To Get Tattoo In Case He Feels Differently About His Children In 10 YearsWATERLOO, IA—Stating that “you never know what could happen down the road,” local man James Kenney told reporters…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefCouple Struggling To Get Pregnant Taking It As Sign That They Should Keep Trying Until Relationship ImplodesPORTSMOUTH, NH—Saying they had to be realistic about what their current situation entailed, married couple Brett…
LocalNews In BriefLocalNews In BriefMan Hopes No One Can Tell He’s Bald Under Full Head Of HairGREAT FALLS, MT—Nervously readjusting his thick and healthy follicles, local man Mike Chesper told reporters Monday…