ORLANDO, FL—Taking stock of anything on the shelves that looked remotely fatty, fried, or processed, local woman…
SUGAR LAND, TX—Sighing in disappointment at the threadbare narrative techniques on display, local man Leeland…
HUTCHINSON, KS—Saying he always made sure to enjoy the annual respite from his many tormentors, local 11-year-old…
DAYTON, OH—Claiming her beloved pet seldom left his spot on the sofa and had never honed his instincts for…
MILWAUKEE—Stressing that he would much rather indulge in something flavored with huckleberry or an essence of…
HOUSTON—Drawing upon their own experience growing up in the church, local Christian married couple Jonathan and…
PORTLAND, OR—Feeling absolutely duped by the strangers in his building, local resident Edward Siede told reporters…
NEW YORK—Noting the abrupt and dramatic shift in the man’s attitude toward work, Lindwasser Insurance Group…
NEW BRAUNFELS, TX—Dooming parkgoers to an eternity of family fun in the sun, a new black wristband was unveiled…
OAK PARK, IL—Upon receiving information that dispelled his previously held notion that the woman was just “a real…
HOUSTON—As she marveled in awe that a child could be so lucky, sources confirmed that local 8-year-old Madison…
AUGUSTA, ME—Describing his astonishment after violently torturing his victim for hours on end Wednesday, a local…
HOLLY, MI—Pulling his plate back from the approaching insect, local picnicker Mike Hansen told an ant Monday that it…
MONTCLAIR, NJ—Listening and attempting to be respectful as her patient outlined her most recently sexual activity,…
MOUNT STERLING, KY—Saying she appeared to have purchased her ticket solely for the self-contained chemical toilets,…
MILWAUKEE—Moving along at a leisurely pace as they looked up to admire the vibrant blue sky, Milwaukee Fire…
SAN ANTONIO—Following her triumph last week in the Scripps National Spelling Bee, teen spelling champion Harini…
BOSTON—Describing the curriculum as a way to help children recognize the value of their own imaginations, teachers…
CINCINNATI—Suddenly expressing a curiosity about the recreational stimulant he had enjoyed as a young adult, local…
PORTLAND, ME—Richly imagining the wide range of his favorite activities that would be available once he returned…