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Most Popular College Major By State

Americans across the country primarily rely on higher education to learn that they are dumb and broke. The Onion examines the most popular college major in every state.

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Things To Never Say To Your Freshman-Year Roommate

While acknowledging their existence or uttering a single word isn’t recommended, here is what you should definitely never say to your freshmen-year roommate.

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Quiz: Are You Ready For College?

The transition to college life can be tough on even the most prepared among us. Here’s a quiz to test whether you’re ready to head off to higher ed!

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The Onion's Essential College Shopping Guide

College can provide a rich, rewarding experience for students if they really prioritize materialism and bring cool stuff. Here is The Onion’s essential college shopping guide.

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Overreacting College Bans Fraternity Even Though Pledge Didn’t Die

TUCSON, AZ—Responding to a wave of hazing rituals that turned violent at the local chapter of Beta Theta Pi, the dean of students at the University of Arizona reportedly overreacted Thursday by shutting down the fraternity even though the pledge…

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College Freshman Experiences First Tantalizing Taste Of Freedom Waiting In Line At Burrito Station While Parents Find Table

CARLISLE, PA—Awed at the endless possibilities before him, Dickinson College freshman Andrew Glenn reportedly experienced his first tantalizing taste of freedom Monday while waiting in line at the dining hall burrito station as his parents scoped…

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College Freshman Annoyed About Having To Room With 47-Year-Old Adjunct Professor

AUGUSTA, ME—Expressing frustration with his roommate’s apparent lack of hygiene and off-putting habits, college freshman Kyle Hayes told reporters Tuesday that he was annoyed about having to room with Isaac Feldman, a 47-year-old adjunct professor…

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Parents Explain Why They Oppose ‘Woke’ Universities

“I don’t want my 18-year-old daughter being exposed to the concept of respect.”

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College Roommates To Continue Bonding Process Until Real Friends Made

BOSTON—Sources at Boston University's Shelton Hall reported Monday that freshmen Paul Seltzer and Michael Thiru will continue building a rapport with each other until one of them has found a group of real friends, after which the randomly paired…

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Dorm Room Decorated With Empty Bottles Of Adderall

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The Pros And Cons Of Attending College

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Mom’s Fears About Daughter Leaving For College Channeled Into Fight About Storage Bins

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College Residence Office Gets Kick Out Of Pairing Up Few Roommates Who Will Fucking Hate Each Other

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College Freshman Thinking It Might Be Time To Break Up With His High School Teacher

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Bard College Named Nation's No. 1 Dinner Party School

ANNANDALE-ON-HUDSON, NY—The Princeton Review announced this week that Bard College has topped its annual ranking of the nation's biggest dinner party schools.