LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowWhat To Say If Your Boss Asks You To Work On ChristmasIf America is going to be a Christian nation, you sure as hell better get the day off. Here’s what to tell your boss…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowBiggest Reasons Not To Sleep With A CoworkerWhen working in an office setting, it’s important to leave your genitals at the door. Here are the biggest reasons…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings To Never Say To Someone Who Is Scared Of FlyingIf you know someone who is for some reason afraid to sit for several hours in a thin metal tube traveling 35,000…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowClassic Thanksgiving Dishes Ranked From Best To WorstPeople say the holidays are about spending time with family and friends, but we all know what it’s really…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowHow To Tell Your Mom You’re Not Coming Home For The HolidaysTraveling during this time of the year is always challenging. The Onion provides practical advice for how to tell…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowWhat To Say To Someone Who Lost Money In The Crypto CrashWith prices for digital currencies plummeting, The Onion provides helpful advice on what to say to someone who lost…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings To Never Post On Social Media If You’ve Had An AbortionIn a post-Roe world, speaking publicly about your abortion can have major legal ramifications. Here are the things…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings To Never Say To Someone Who Owns A TeslaUnless you’d like to get run over by a rich, angry tech bro with a chip on their shoulder, you might want to tread…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowWhat To Say To A Partner If You Gave Them An STIWith gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis sharply on the rise in the United States, it’s more important than ever to…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowEmbarrassing Mistakes Every College Freshman MakesNo one is more calm, composed, and collected than a drunk 17-year-old living by themselves for the first time. If…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowWhat To Tell Your Teenager If They Get PregnantJesus, it’s like you have to do everything for them.
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings To Never Say To Someone Who Just Came OutComing out as LGBTQIA+ is a pivotal moment in someone’s life, so it’s always best to not fuck that up. If you want…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings To Never Say To Someone Who Owns A Pit BullMost pit bull owners are just as insane as the dogs they own. Never say the following things to someone who has a…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowOnion Gift Guide: Father’s Day Gifts For Every Type Of DadDads. Almost everyone has between one and one thousand, and it’s about time to give them their due. This Father’s…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings People Hate The Most About Public TransportationIt’s disgusting to imagine, but Americans take around 10 billion trips on public transit each year. Here are the…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowBiggest Misconceptions Men Have About Sexual ReproductionAs the abortion debate intensifies, it’s become abundantly clear that most men don’t know the first thing about…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings To Never Say To Someone Who Can’t BreastfeedBeing unable to lactate does make you a bad mother, but you’re not supposed to admit that. Never say the following…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowThings New Yorkers Hate Most About L.A.Let’s face it, you’re not a real New Yorker unless you hate the following things about Los Angeles.
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowExcuses Men Use To Not Get MarriedThe only thing men fear more than commitment is getting married specifically to you. Here are the most common…
LocalSlideshowLocalSlideshowSigns You Are Experiencing Parental BurnoutBetween children, work, and generally being a shitty person, life can feel impossible. Here are signs you are…