If you know someone who is for some reason afraid to sit for several hours in a thin metal tube traveling 35,000…
People say the holidays are about spending time with family and friends, but we all know what it’s really…
Traveling during this time of the year is always challenging. The Onion provides practical advice for how to tell…
With prices for digital currencies plummeting, The Onion provides helpful advice on what to say to someone who lost…
In a post-Roe world, speaking publicly about your abortion can have major legal ramifications. Here are the things…
Unless you’d like to get run over by a rich, angry tech bro with a chip on their shoulder, you might want to tread…
With gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis sharply on the rise in the United States, it’s more important than ever to…
No one is more calm, composed, and collected than a drunk 17-year-old living by themselves for the first time. If…
Jesus, it’s like you have to do everything for them.
Coming out as LGBTQIA+ is a pivotal moment in someone’s life, so it’s always best to not fuck that up. If you want…
Most pit bull owners are just as insane as the dogs they own. Never say the following things to someone who has a…
Dads. Almost everyone has between one and one thousand, and it’s about time to give them their due. This Father’s…
It’s disgusting to imagine, but Americans take around 10 billion trips on public transit each year. Here are the…
As the abortion debate intensifies, it’s become abundantly clear that most men don’t know the first thing about…
Being unable to lactate does make you a bad mother, but you’re not supposed to admit that. Never say the following…
Let’s face it, you’re not a real New Yorker unless you hate the following things about Los Angeles.
The only thing men fear more than commitment is getting married specifically to you. Here are the most common…
Between children, work, and generally being a shitty person, life can feel impossible. Here are signs you are…
The most catastrophic pandemic in a generation, Covid-19 has left many millions dead and even more infected. Could…
Giving up on your dreams isn’t always as pathetic as it sounds! Here are things no one tells you about moving back…