BETHESDA, MD—In an effort to make a dent in the arms manufacturer’s excess inventory, members of the Lockheed Martin sales team were reportedly instructed during their staff meeting earlier this week to really push the company’s supply of tactical air-to-surface missiles. “Hey, guys, I really need you to step up your game this week—I know we were throwing our weight behind shoulder-fired anti-tank systems last month, but we’ve got a quota to meet and need all these JASSM missiles to move before the end of Q3,” said sales director Peter Donaldson, adding that staff members should make an effort to upsell the infrared homing missile when filling aircraft-integrated guided weaponry orders for their regular clients. “Do whatever it takes to unload this stuff: place a few cold calls to foreign defense agencies, offer to throw in a couple Stalker drones for free. I don’t care what you have to do, just so long as we can hit our numbers and make way for the anti-aircraft shipments we’ve got coming in at the end of the month.” Members of Donaldson’s team said they weren’t particularly worried about the directive, noting that they can always reach out to their congressional contacts and move however many missiles they need to via a last-minute rider on any pending bill.

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