Long Story Short, Your Father Had A Stroke

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YOUR LOCATION—Saying they would cut right to the chase, sources confirmed Tuesday that, long story short, your father had a stroke. “We’re not going to bore you with the details, but yeah, your dad suffered a stroke earlier today,” revealed the sources, stressing that they were giving you the CliffsNotes version to avoid wasting your time. “So, yeah, that’s about it: Dad. Stroke. Life support. You can probably fill in the rest. Alright, sorry if any of this got a little in the weeds for your taste.” Sources added that your mother had also been injured in a car accident, but that was really neither here nor there.