‘Look, He Came After All!’ Says Inauguration Guest Spotting Trump Crouching With Rifle On Nearby Roof

Illustration for article titled ‘Look, He Came After All!’ Says Inauguration Guest Spotting Trump Crouching With Rifle On Nearby Roof

WASHINGTON—Excited to see that the president had changed his mind about attending the historic event, inauguration guest Ted Mackie was reportedly pleased to see Trump crouching with a rifle on a nearby roof. “I know he was angry about the loss, but at the end of the day, he loves this country, and he wanted to make sure that he could show the American people that he bears no ill will,” said Mackie, noting that Trump’s relaxed body language of leaning behind a turret to adjust his rifle scope suggested that he had finally made peace with the transition of power. “It was a bitter election but now that it’s over, it’s nice that he’s willing to face his rival directly, with Biden’s head directly between the gun’s cross hairs.” At press time, Mackie was reportedly further thrilled about the inauguration’s surprise guests after Trump waved in dozens of masked gunmen.