MOORESVILLE, NC—Hailing the new product as a simple but effective home security solution, the hardware chain Lowe’s announced Thursday that stores would soon begin selling a device called the Hide-A-House, which allows a spacious, single-family dwelling to be disguised as a giant plastic boulder. “Hide-A-House lets you hide your home in plain sight by concealing it inside a large, gray-brown slab that is all but invisible when placed discreetly among landscaping,” said Lowe’s spokesperson Maryanne Lopez, who noted that the 30-foot-tall molded poly-resin stone not only blended in by matching the shape and color of rocks commonly used around lawns and gardens, but was also 100% weatherproof, ensuring the living spaces inside stayed dry. “Its natural look allows you to camouflage your house just about anywhere in your yard. Only when you’re close enough to touch your Hide-A-House will you notice its slight difference in texture, so you won’t have to worry about it falling into the wrong hands. Best of all, it’s easy to use: When you want to get into your house, just lift up the rock and crawl in.” Lopez added that a Hide-A-House user who had friends visiting from out of town and wasn’t there to let them in could simply provide the guests with instructions on how to find the giant boulder.
More from The Onion