PORT ARANSAS, TX—Suspecting the worst, local man Daniel Koleva reportedly spent several panicked moments during his beach trip Friday worried that his wife, Bethany Koleva, hadn’t surfaced for air yet because she was cheating on him. “There’s no reason for her to be down there that long unless she’s seeing someone else,” said the 43-year-old husband, who acknowledged he had jealous thoughts racing through his mind of his wife making out beneath the waves with someone younger, thinner, or wealthier than him. “You can’t tell me staying submerged for 10 minutes like this isn’t a little bit suspicious. This is why I don’t like her going underwater without me. I swear, if she swam off on me with another guy, she’s gonna fuckin’ regret it!” At press time, Koleva’s suspicions were confirmed after he saw his unconscious wife making out with a lifeguard.
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