Man Beginning To Worry That Best Meals Already Behind Him

Illustration for article titled Man Beginning To Worry That Best Meals Already Behind Him

CHICAGO—Lamenting that his glory days of college cafeterias, burger joints, and taco trucks are now shrinking in life’s rear-view mirror, sales associate Alan Thompson, 29, was reportedly beginning to worry Monday that his best meals might already be behind him. “When I think about all my entrées to come, I can’t help but feel as though they somehow lack the magic and exhilaration of the iconic dinners of my youth,” said Thompson, who added that while many simple pleasures come with the one- and two-course meals of old age, nothing will ever compare to the rush of being carefree, 19, and having a whole Chinese buffet before him. “It seems that just yesterday I was a young post-grad bouncing from surf ’n turf to surf ’n’ turf, my only care in the world to remember to tie up my lobster bib. No real responsibilities, or any real plan, just going wherever a big bowl of spaghetti or a honey-glazed salmon dish may call me. But now…aside from a few moderately significant snacks here and there, what do I even have to look forward to?” Thompson consoled himself by placing his hopes for the future in his newborn children, whose weddings would surely feature delicious broasted chicken.