SHREWSBURY, MA—Praising the corn-based product’s tenacity and refusal to give up, local man Noah Hiatt told reporters Thursday that he couldn’t help but be proud of a strong tortilla chip. “I’m not taking it easy on this guy, but he just goes on shouldering this weight no matter how many nacho toppings I pile on,” said Hiatt, growing visibly emotional as he emphasized that most tortilla chips would crumble under the pressure of ground beef, melted cheddar cheese, tomatoes, and pickled jalapeños before singling out this particular chip for its inspiring resiliency. “When I dug into the sour cream, I thought for sure he was going to fall apart. That’s my mistake. I never should have underestimated the resolve of this hardy chip. Now I understand that this tortilla chip is an example to us all.” At press time, Hiatt was screaming in pain after a sharp corner of the chip broke off mid-bite and became lodged in his gums.
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