BANGOR, ME—Explaining that he had drawn a total blank and could no longer say why he had braved the smoke and flames, local man Todd Stringer confirmed Friday that he simply could not recall what he had run into a burning building for. “I know I came in here to get something, but I can’t for the life of me remember what it was,” said Stringer, choking and coughing as he attempted to retrace his thought process from the point at which he had first noticed a nearby café was on fire to his decision to enter the partially collapsed structure. “Could it have been a kid, or a dog? Staff trapped in the kitchen, maybe? Shit, I dunno. There had to be something, though. I wouldn’t have just wandered in here for no reason.” At press time, Stringer had reportedly decided to look around the towering inferno for a while to see if anything might jog his memory.
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The Sun: You Don’t Want To Be Around When This Thing Blows Up