ATHENS, GA—Nervously inspecting himself to ensure he was indeed made manifest in the flesh, local man Rod Sutherland, 27, checked the mirror before heading out on a date Tuesday to confirm his consciousness was still inhabiting a corporeal form. “Just so I don’t make a bad first impression, I really ought to double-check to see if my psyche remains firmly rooted in a physical vessel,” said Sutherland, explaining that he didn’t want to embarrass himself by showing up to the date as a disembodied spirit with no material presence in this plane of existence. “Maybe I’m just being fussy, but I’ve made an ass of myself before by arriving at the bar only to realize I was a formless and weightless expanse of pure energy. It’s especially embarrassing when she’s clearly dressed up for the occasion, and here I am showing up as an ethereal, intangible essence.” At press time, Sutherland was reportedly kicking himself after realizing his body had arrived for the date but he had accidentally left his soul at home.
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