PITTSBURGH—Noting that the people he works with have only ever seen his moronic office persona, local accountant Stan Bedford told reporters he was excited to look like an entirely different type of idiot in front of his coworkers when they go out for after-work beers Tuesday. “These guys just know me as the timid, soft-spoken doofus who screws up expense reports and contributes nothing of value to staff meetings, but I think they’ll be surprised by the fun-loving, boisterous numbskull I can be once I leave the office,” said Bedford, adding that he was looking forward to grabbing a beer and revealing more of his airheaded, unintelligent personality to the rest of the accounting team. “It’ll be nice to kick back with these guys at Sherry’s Tap, where I can just be my pathetic dimwit self. And who knows? Making simple-minded, imbecilic small talk with people who are less than thrilled to be around me might even become a weekly thing.” Bedford added that, if the group decided to stay out for a while and have a few beers, he might even show his colleagues his drunkenly boorish and detestable side.

Brought to you by New Belgium

Advertisement