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Man Feeling Ancient After Realizing He Older Than Everyone In Little League World Series

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TOPEKA, KS—As he sat on his couch and watched the tournament on television Wednesday, 39-year-old Joshua Miller admitted he felt ancient upon realizing he was older than everyone playing in the Little League World Series. “God, I never really thought about it, but suddenly you hear that the catcher is turning 11, and you’re like, Jesus Christ, where did my life go?” said Miller, appearing solemn as he took a sip of an IPA and ran his fingers through his receding hair. “It really makes you feel your age. I mean, I used to look up to guys who played in the Little League World Series, and now I’m, what—at least 27 years older than everybody on the field? Most Little Leaguers peak around age 12 or so and retire by the time they’re 13, so I’m more than a little past my prime. I always meant to make something more of myself, but I guess that ship sailed a long time ago.” Miller added that in retrospect, he wished he had worked harder and applied himself when he was young so that he could have gotten into a better middle school.