ST. CHARLES, IA—Claiming the garment had been a frustrating source of misdirection, several concertgoers stated Friday that fellow Hinterland Music Festival attendee Dave Kalejo had been completely disrespectful of everyone’s time by wearing a splashy floral-print shirt and not having any drugs to sell or share. “Does he think he’s funny, jerking us around with that loud-ass shirt when he doesn’t have so much as a joint on him?” said 23-year-old Gus Morby, explaining that he couldn’t believe how inconsiderate it was for Kalejo to don the garish Hawaiian-style garb if he wasn’t planning to carry ketamine, ecstasy, Adderall, mushrooms, or any other illicit recreational substance. “I tried to see if he had any of that good-good, but then he asked me what I was talking about like I’m the asshole. For Christ’s sake, he’s the one wearing a flowery button-down and not holding anything except a couple Advil and an asthma inhaler. Good luck getting fucked up off that.” At press time, everyone was staring in contempt at the floral shirt and thinking about how boring the print looked when you weren’t doing any drugs.
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