Man Just Going To Assume This Counts As ‘Minced’

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MILWAUKEE, WI—Concluding that his culinary efforts should “do the trick,” area man Charlie Frye was reportedly just going to assume Wednesday that what he had just done to two cloves of garlic counted as “minced.” “I think I cut it up pretty good—It seems like these pieces are small enough,” said Frye, who had been chopping garlic for the past two minutes as the recipe instructed, first attempting to methodically slice the cloves into tiny cubes before deciding to quickly run his knife through the pile of garlic bits at random just to make sure. “I think this is probably done, right? I’m sure it’s fine as long as there aren’t any, like, huge chunks.” At press time, Frye was running his chopping knife under hot water and deciding it was probably pretty much clean.