Man Living In Most Affluent Country In World History Has Nerve To Complain About Being Homeless

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SAN FRANCISCO—Scoffing at his ignorance and petulance, sources confirmed Thursday that local man Clint Williams, despite being a resident of the most affluent country in the history of the world, had the nerve to complain about being homeless. “I mean, this is the wealthiest, most powerful nation in the history of all of human civilization, and he’s out here grumbling that he doesn’t have a place to sleep?” said onlooker Vincent Bristow, who shook his head while watching the ingrate count out the change in his pocket to see if he had enough money to buy a cup of hot coffee. “Just look around you at these towering skyscrapers and dazzling buildings that he gets to sit outside of every day. Nobody’s life is perfect, but you have to put things in perspective: This is the United States of America we’re talking about! This guy’s basically won the lotto, and here he is griping that he’s hungry.” At press time, Williams was whining that there weren’t any public restrooms nearby where he could wash up before work.