AUSTIN, TX—Mindlessly checking for the third time in the past couple hours, area man Darrell Hawkins reported Tuesday that he had just opened his mailbox again despite already knowing there was nothing to eat in there. “I didn’t find anything good to snack on 30 minutes ago, so I don’t know why I’d think it would be any different now,” said Hawkins, blankly scanning the same Macy’s catalog, phone bill, and credit card application that had been in the mailbox the last time he checked. “Looking inside is just force of habit, I guess. I should probably stop, because every time I see that circular from the supermarket, I get a little bit hungrier. I probably ought to clean it out, too, because something definitely smells in there.” At press time, reports confirmed Hawkins had grown hungry enough to look inside his mailbox yet again and make due with a handful of old spiders he found way at the back.