Man Raised By Wolves Worried He's Slowly Turning Into Father

INVERMERE, BC—Calling it a "real wake-up call," local claims adjuster Paul Koda'wahya told reporters Monday that he has finally reached the age where he finds himself acting more and more like the male North American gray wolf who raised him. "As a kid, you're embarrassed to see your dad constantly loping around and marking his territory with his distinctive-smelling urine, but then the next thing you know, you're peeing on low-lying bushes yourself," Koda'wahya said. "This morning I looked in the mirror and there was this bloody rabbit carcass hanging from my mouth. God, I'm such a cliché." Koda'wahya added that he needs to be careful as he gets older, because being relentlessly hunted to the point of extinction runs in his family.