Man’s Family Rises To Record-High Fourth Priority

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WALTHAM, MA—After years of its climbing no higher than the ninth slot, sources confirmed Friday that area man Alan Stokes’ family rose to the 48-year-old’s record-high fourth priority. “It’s really impressive to see Emily and the kids suddenly vault into the top five of what matters to him in life,” said a source close to the family, adding that no one foresaw Stokes’ desire to take care of his wife and twin daughters grabbing the coveted fourth spot ahead of longtime preoccupations such as fishing or watching poker tournaments on television. “But it’s going to be really tough for them to hold on to the position if he gets the promotion or buys that new motorcycle—the family could really take a tumble.” Sources added that Stokes’ family would only crack the top three in the highly unlikely event he got a handle on his drinking.