Man Somehow Thinks He Doesn’t Have Enough Alone Time

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MINNEAPOLIS—Making repeated claims this week that he could really use a break from being around people, local copywriter Jonathan Maynard has, by all accounts, somehow come to the conclusion that he does not have enough alone time in his life. “I wish I could carve out a little extra time during the day that’s just for me,” said the 28-year-old, who, despite having few serious demands on his schedule and regularly spending his evenings and entire weekends alone either browsing online or watching television, openly wishes for more time by himself. “All I need is a few uninterrupted hours away from everyone else when I can just decompress and focus on my personal interests. Is that too much to ask?” At press time, Maynard was reportedly canceling a prior social engagement in order to finally catch up on an Assassin’s Creed game he had been putting off for several days.