SAN MATEO, CA—Saying this was not at all how he had pictured himself at age 42, local resident Jonathan Cooper confirmed Wednesday that he has nonetheless found himself, in his middle age, stuck in a dead-end body.
Cooper, who reportedly spent years trying to make the most of his physique, has gradually become more and more frustrated with his body, which he admitted had little chance of ever turning into anything he would be happy with.
“I always thought I’d wind up with something better than this, but here I am,” said Cooper, who reported that his body has grown considerably more difficult to manage. “Early on, I thought, ‘This is okay for now.’ Back then, I used to have such high hopes, but the years just kept going by and it never got any better. When I take an honest look at what I have to deal with day in and day out, I just get depressed.”
“Now, every morning when I wake up, I think, ‘Ugh, this again?’” he continued. “It’s not just disappointing; it’s humiliating, really.”
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Noting that his body leaves him feeling inferior, emasculated, and exhausted at the end of each day, Cooper said he could not even remember what it was he liked about it in the first place. Far from improving, Cooper explained that his body has gone steadily downhill and grown more dysfunctional with time, and admitted that, as the years pass, his likelihood of finding any redeeming aspects of his anatomy becomes more remote.
Additionally, given his age, Cooper stated that he will probably have to remain in his current physical situation for the foreseeable future.
“At this point, I think it’s too late to do anything about it, so the only thing I can really do is just accept it for what it is and go on with my life,” said Cooper, recognizing that while the world is full of people in circumstances far worse than his own, such knowledge was hardly any consolation. “The thing is, I remember seeing my father in this exact same situation when I was a kid and swearing that I would never let that happen to me. But of course I ended up just like him, and I’m every bit as miserable as he was.”
“I guess the best I can do now is try not to screw it up any more than I already have,” Cooper added. “The last thing I’d want is for it to get any more unbearable.”