Man Who Never Missed ‘Ally McBeal’ Back In The Day Joins Trump Legal Team

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WASHINGTON—In the latest shakeup to their defense of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia probe, President Trump’s legal team reportedly welcomed Wednesday a guy who never missed an episode of Ally McBeal back in the day. “We’re excited today to be joined by Ron Farkus, an Ohio man who tuned in every week between 1997 and 2002 to watch Fox’s beloved Calista Flockhart vehicle about the eccentric and oversexed Boston law firm Cage and Fish,” said top Trump lawyer Ty Cobb, adding that the 43-year-old Farkus has years of valuable experience owning the legal comedy-drama television series’ DVD box set, watching every episode “a bunch of times,” and even memorizing several of Flockhart’s famous quips from the show. “We look forward to working with Mr. Farkus, whose expertise in the antics of Ally, Richard, and Elaine both in and out of the courthouse will be of great use to us, as will his intimate knowledge of the ensemble’s ever-shifting love triangles, their outlandish courtroom battles, and the recurring dancing babies.” At press time, Farkus had been let go and replaced by a man who’s seen every episode of USA’s Suits, moments before that individual lost his position to some dude who used to watch the CBS legal drama JAG pretty regularly.