BOULDER, CO—Admitting he now felt “a bit foolish,” 34-year-old local artist Austin Vermillion was reportedly beginning to realize Monday just how wrong he’s been after spending the last two years drawing pictures of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin making out. “In light of the release of the Attorney General’s summary of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s long-awaited report, I can now determine the joke of Trump and Putin kissing that I’ve been rehashing over the past two years is completely and utterly inaccurate,” said Vermillion, who apologized for jumping the gun and recklessly depicting the two world leaders locked in a sensual embrace in hundreds of sketches, prints, enamel pins, and screen-printed T-shirts currently for sale in his popular Etsy store. “At the time, I didn’t think there was any other way to show that they were engaging in some sort of illicit relationship other than depicting homosexuality. I’m very sorry that I didn’t wait until all the facts came in. Now I realize I should have never drawn that cartoon of Trump all dressed up in leather BDSM gear sharing a foursome with Putin, Eric Trump, and Donald Trump Jr.” At press time, Vermillion attempted to make up for his ill-advised and fallacious artwork by producing a new sketch of Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) jerking off Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY.)
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