Mark Zuckerberg Touts Complete Lack Of Cannibalism On Facebook Live So Far

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg delivering a speech.

MENLO PARK, CA—In an effort to defend the social network’s live video-streaming feature against recent criticism, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg held a press conference Thursday to tout the complete lack of cannibalism that has appeared on Facebook Live so far. “Facebook Live is an exceptionally innovative and groundbreaking tool, and our team is very proud of the fact that, as of the present moment, not a single Facebook user has dismembered, cooked, and eaten another person during a live video,” said Zuckerberg, emphasizing that the real-time streaming feature had already been used by millions of individuals worldwide, none of whom, he noted, had consumed even one human body part on camera. “We are so excited to be able to offer people all over the world a chance to share their lives with others in a fun and simple way that, at this point, has not included the broadcast of any live imagery of someone intentionally and methodically devouring the flesh of their victims. With this powerful, revolutionary, and completely cannibalism-free tool, Facebook is totally reshaping how we connect with our friends and family.” After being approached by an aide several moments later, Zuckerberg reportedly retracted his statement and silently walked off the podium.