Illustration for article titled Marriott CEO Tells Investors He’s Had A Good First Quarter In Terms Of His Personal Life

BETHESDA, MA—Addressing investors in a tense early morning teleconference call, Marriott International CEO Arne Sorenson reportedly told investors Thursday that he’s had a pretty good first quarter just in terms of his personal life. “Yeah, skipping past some of the financials for a second, I think it’s worthwhile to mention I went to Aruba, which was cool—oh, and I started this really great yoga routine my wife introduced me to that’s made me feel really centered during the day,” said Sorenson, pushing past a 22.5% decline in revenue per available room to highlight that, just on an individual level, he was proud to announce that his daughter had to write an essay about her personal hero for an English class and actually decided to use him as a subject. “Obviously, we took a pretty big hit both domestically and abroad, but I just feel centered and much happier, so that’s something, right? Plus, I’ve been using a smoker I got for my birthday. Have any of you ever tried smoking a whole rack of ribs yourself? It’s really nice to just sit out there and tend the fire. Kind of primal in a nice way, if that makes sense.” At press time, Sorenson had responded to a question about ballooning costs and nosediving revenue by describing the benefits of some of the meditation apps he had recently been toying around with.

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