CAMBRIDGE, MA—Announcing that extensive testing on lower-order rodents has proven the behavioral puzzle fit for general use, a group of Harvard University psychologists who have spent their careers developing a maze with cheese in the center have announced that they have entered human trials following decades of testing on mice. “After thousands of rounds of animal testing going back to the early 1950s, I speak for everyone at Harvard when I say we are overjoyed to have finally reached our end-stage testing goal: placing full-sized adult humans in a labyrinth and forcing them to seek out cheese,” said project lead Dr. Drew Koepka, who displayed a proof-of-concept sketch of a four-square-mile maze featuring much higher walls, wider passages, and a significantly larger central cheese portion. “We can say with absolute certainty that fewer than one mouse in a dozen experienced any adverse effects whatsoever, and we’re confident that scaling up the project will pose little difficulty. Finally, we’re ready to answer long-standing questions regarding the human sense of direction and its relationship to cheese-seeking behavior.” Harvard has already begun offering applicants $125 for a three-day maze stay with a potential bonus of all the cheese they can eat.
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