McCain Refusing To Tell Voters What's In Box Unless Elected

WASHINGTON–With just one day before voters head to the polls, presidential candidate John McCain told the American people Monday that, unless elected, he would never reveal the contents of his secret mystery crate. "My friends, it's time we faced the major question of our day, and that question is: what's he got inside that thing?" said the Senator, thumping the sequined container with his fist and raising a single eyebrow. "It might be cash, or a way to fix the economy. One thing's for sure, though—it'd be a real shame to miss it." At press time, Sen. McCain's Mystery Box plan is expected to do better than his pledge to "utterly destroy" all who cross him.