McDonald’s Launches $99 Ripoff Menu

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CHICAGO—Boasting that it was the absolute worst value of any fast food restaurant in the country, McDonald’s announced Tuesday that the company had launched a $99 ripoff menu. “Starting today, McDonald’s customers can buy all of their favorite classic items, like a quarter pounder with cheese, small fries, or four-piece chicken nuggets, for the highly unaffordable price of $99,” said CEO Chris Kempczinski, noting that for just a $100 upgrade, customers could also add on a small soft drink or hash brown to any inflated McDonald’s purchase. “No matter where you go, we guarantee you’ll never find prices more unreasonable than these. Plus, for $199, you can buy upgraded menu items like a bacon McDouble or a McChicken, and for $1,099, we’ll gouge you by letting you mix and match.” At press time, McDonald’s confirmed they had no choice but to double the Ripoff menu prices after only making 100 times the projected profits.