BOSTON—Noting that the groundbreaking biotechnology could change the medical field forever, doctors at Boston Children’s Hospital told reporters Wednesday they were hopeful that gene editing would soon allow sick kids to have super weird pets. “Thanks to promising advances in CRISPR technology, we’re more confident than ever that children with rare, incurable diseases could one day own a puppy with tentacles, a guinea pig with wings, or a goldfish with long beautiful hair,” said chief of pediatric medicine Dr. Sophia Anderson, adding that the quality of life for ailing children could dramatically improve with even just a single visit from a giant, two-headed puppy or a three-eyed, snake with antlers that meows like a cat. “Previously, these poor children were left to suffer with no hope of ever being able to live out their lives with a glowing lizard that can sing opera, or a bird with human hands instead of wings. But now, we’re just a few years away from every single one of them being greeted by a rainbow-colored rabbit that can speak perfect Spanish, and we could not be more excited.” At press time, Anderson clarified that it would be a few years before any such treatment was used widely after a terrible accident where a sick child was inadvertently eaten by a horse with a shark’s head.
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