Men Explain What Consent Means

“Simple. Consent is when someone hasn’t said ‘no’ yet.”

“You gather both people’s respective legal teams in a conference room, write ‘Do you want to have sex with me?’ on a tiny piece of paper, and then slide it across the table.”

“How should I know? I’m a man.”

“Isn’t that the word for a group of lemurs? A consent of lemurs? That sounds right.”

“‘Consent’ is just another way to say ‘yeehaw.’”

“It’s what happens when a woman reluctantly gives you a hand job just to shut you up.”

“Thankfully I don’t have to worry about that now that I’m married.”

“It’s just one of those things where I know it when I get sued about it.”

“Consent means getting women to clearly verbalize their disgust with you instead of just using body language.”

“It’s just another buzzword, like ‘edutainment’ or ‘computer.’”

“Oh, that’s not something people in my tax bracket generally need to worry about.”

“It’s a violation of the natural order ordained by God that says man has dominion over the beasts of the field, which was the Bible’s term for women.”

“I believe it’s a type of temperate, semi-flowering shrub.”

“Gradually manipulating women into dating you through years of gaslighting instead of just intimidating them.”

“Consent is when a dude asks to join your Call Of Duty party instead of just entering the lobby.”

“It’s when I agree that yes, everyone does want to fuck me.”

“What is ‘meaning’? Can we truly define any abstract concept, or is meaning constantly in flux with changing social mores and perceptions? Either way, she was totally asking for it.”

“Pass.”

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