WASHINGTON—Recalling the uncontrollable erotic pleasure she experienced while watching her husband coordinate an airstrike, Michelle Obama revealed to reporters Monday that drone warfare played a large part in her and Barack Obama’s psychosexual relationship. “While my love story with Barack is incredibly complicated, one thing will always be true—neither of us can reach sexual climax without dropping bombs on Middle Eastern villages,” said the former first lady, who added that after eight years of living in the White House, the thrill of engaging in unmanned warfare and the deep, earth-shattering release of orgasm were forever, inextricably linked. “While I wish it weren’t true, the only way Barack and I can even begin to make love is if we hear the beeping of a target, the silence of the bomb drop, and, finally, the explosion. Then, just when we’re on the edge of orgasm, we hear that sultry voice— ‘Target eliminated’—and we climax simultaneously.” At press time, a sweating Obama had to excuse herself after her husband texted her a photo of a bombed Yemeni wedding.
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