According to market research, there are millions of Americans who have never picked up a single issue of The Onion. What do you think?
"At least they still get most of The Onion’s intrepid reporting once it's ripped off by The Wall Street Journal."
Cynthia Conter • Animal Caretaker
"For their sake, I'm glad such mentally feeble individuals, bereft of the vital insight The Onion provides, will quickly die from their inability to navigate today's complex world."
Don Ryan • Sanding Machine Tender
"Ha! That's a good one! What is it, April Fool's Day? Oh, crap. It's June? I better call in to work and see if I still have a job."
Cody Ross • Attorney