SAN JOSE, CA—Explaining how their new product expands on successful elements of today’s most popular apps, representatives from Luna Media told reporters Friday that the company’s new mobile app, Relode, is poised to revolutionize the way users waste both their time and money. “With its eye-catching graphics and fun, easy-to-use interface, Relode is going to completely change how consumers fritter away every moment of their free time and accumulate lengthy lists of charges from in-app purchases,” said Luna spokesman Blake Murdoch, adding that the app’s intricate and arbitrary points-earning system is designed to engage customers, making Relode the go-to blowing through hours of one’s day and much of their paycheck. “We encourage users to invite their friends to join Relode, where they can be added to a ‘Team Dashboard’ with even more exciting ways to spend real money in amounts that feel insignificant until their monthly statements arrive. Relode is truly a major step forward in mobile time-squandering technology.” Murdoch added that developers are already looking ahead to an update that will automatically run the app while the user is sleeping.

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