KANSAS CITY, MO—As he remarked upon how great it felt to forget all his worries and just have some time to relax, a local mobster reported Tuesday that he was excited for his sudden surprise trip to a secluded lake with his three best buds. “How nice is it for these guys to swing by my house at 2 in the morning and take me away on a little fishing vacation?” said Salvatore “Legs” Mancini of the Kansas City Mafia, climbing into a full-size sedan with out-of-state plates while three of his longtime associates made uncharacteristically stilted small talk and avoided eye contact. “Seriously, we never do stuff like this! Work’s been pretty rough lately, so I deserve it, you know? Man, I can’t wait to get out on the water. I’m gonna log as much lake time as possible on this trip.” Though it seemed a little cold for it, Mancini added that he had brought along his trunks, because his three buds had hinted that he might be going for a swim.