DICKINSON, ND—Groaning as she once again picked up several of his used shell casings off the ground, local mother Mandy Watkins told reporters Thursday she was sick of reminding her lazy teenager to reload the family gun after shooting sprees. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell him—if you use the family rifle to do some type of large-scale violent crime or mass shooting, always remember to put fresh bullets in it afterwards,” said Watkins, adding that the next time her 16-year-old son borrows the gun, goes out, shoots dozens of innocent bystanders, and then just leaves it sitting empty on the couch, he’d be in real trouble. “I mean, really, how hard is it to clean out the chamber, put in a new magazine, then put it back in the safe in our closet? I know he’s young, but I’m not always going to be there to reload his gun after he commits unspeakable acts of senseless violence. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to shoot something, pulled the trigger, and then just heard an empty click. Seriously, what kind of son are we raising?” At press time, a frustrated Watkins told reporters that her son had temporarily lost his gun privileges after he racked up over $2,000 at an ammunition store, went and shot into an unsuspecting crowd, and then tried to blame it on his little brother.
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