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Mom Wants To Know When Couple Going To Give Her Better Grandchildren

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MOKENA, IL—Badgering her son and daughter-in-law incessantly throughout the evening, local woman Rhonda Pearson reportedly wanted to know Monday when the couple was going to give her better grandchildren. “I’m just asking for one decent grandchild, that’s all I want,” said Pearson, who explained to the parents of three that there was no greater joy a grandparent could feel than bonding with a grandchild that was halfway smart, skilled, or competent in any kind of way. “I don’t even consider myself a full grandmother yet. I just really want a grandchild who’s going to propose with my wedding ring one day, not pawn it. Come on, give me some little grand-babies worth showing off on Facebook! God knows your brother gave me some uggos. Tick tock, time’s running out to give me grandchildren that don’t suck complete shit.” At press time, Pearson added the couple wasn’t getting any younger, so it was only going to get harder to have any children that were good.