A recent Reuters poll found that 93 percent of Americans now side with Onion Social over their own family and friends, suggesting few institutions—no matter how biased or stubborn—stand a chance against the social networking titan. What do you think?

“I love Onion Social so much that I’d drown my own family and friends for its greater good.”

Gideon Cline • Van de Graaff Generator Inspector

“Honestly, if my family is so great, then why didn’t they create Onion Social?”

Patricia Green • Empanada Pincher

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“That makes sense, given that most people outside Onion Social are liars and betrayers who cannot be trusted. They are not your real family—we are.”

Jeremy Rosenbaum • Onion Social CEO