Most Awesome Perks That Employees Who Work For Elon Musk Get

Most Awesome Perks That Employees Who Work For Elon Musk Get

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Sometimes, it’s not so bad to work for the shitposter-in-chief. Here are the coolest things employees get who work for Elon Musk.

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Free Impregnation

Free Impregnation

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As part of their generous benefits package, any male employee at Twitter, Tesla, or SpaceX can request to have Elon inseminate their girlfriend or spouse.

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Unlimited Paid Time On

Unlimited Paid Time On

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Musk’s employees consistently attribute high company morale to their boss encouraging a healthy work-work balance.

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To Stay In The U.S.

To Stay In The U.S.

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But, as always, Musk can decide when to send them back whenever he pleases.

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Dry Spaghetti

Dry Spaghetti

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Munch on the unlimited dry spaghetti bar as much as your little heart desires!

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Complimentary Leg Shackles

Complimentary Leg Shackles

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Less generous CEOs would deduct the chains shackling you to your desk from your paycheck.

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A Glimpse into a Terrifying Future

A Glimpse into a Terrifying Future

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Some call it a blessing. Others, a curse. Officially, it’s part of the compensation package.

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A Little Massage

A Little Massage

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Delivered by the bossman himself.

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All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp

All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp

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Those 24 hour working days don’t seem so bad when you’re peeling and eating shrimp by the bucketload.

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Gin Blossoms Compilation CD

Gin Blossoms Compilation CD

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He’s just giving them away. Score!

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A Desk

A Desk

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And some come with a chair!

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A Nice Boy

A Nice Boy

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He cleans up well and minds his manners. Mr. Musk says he won’t be a bother none, and you’ll come to love his irresistible charm.

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Neuralink Chip

Neuralink Chip

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You don’t have a choice with this one. It’s going in your fucking brain.

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Big Bed For Everyone To Sleep In

Big Bed For Everyone To Sleep In

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Catch your five minutes of company-approved some shut eye on the 200-person mattress in company headquarters.

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Multiple Opportunities To Sign Non-Disclosure Agreements

Multiple Opportunities To Sign Non-Disclosure Agreements

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Signing one NDA is great, sure, but have you ever gotten to experience the thrill of signing two?

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Generating Wealth For Elon Musk

Generating Wealth For Elon Musk

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What could be a more worthy endeavor?

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The Option To Get Paid In Musk Money

The Option To Get Paid In Musk Money

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Collect enough Musk Money, and you can buy your choice of Musk dolls sold only at Musk World.

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Wi-Fi Password

Wi-Fi Password

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Musk generously provides employees with the broadband information necessary to complete their menial tasks.

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Competitive Pay, Matching 401k, And Full Healthcare Including Dental And Vision Insurance

Competitive Pay, Matching 401k, And Full Healthcare Including Dental And Vision Insurance

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Just kidding.

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