Most Dangerous Parts Of Attending A Music Festival

If you die at a music festival, you die in real life. Here are the most dangerous things concert-goers should watch out for this year.

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Endless Crowd Surfing

Getting hoisted overhead by concertgoers seems fun at first, but not after weeks go by and they refuse to put you down.

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Dehydration

It’s dangerous, though understandable, to die rather than pay $15 for a water bottle.

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Being Overcharged for Drugs

Failing to do some market research before your trip can cost you in the long run.

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Heart-To-Heart Conversations At 3 A.M.

At a festival, it may take first responders precious minutes to get to you before you completely open up to a stranger.

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Going Back To Working In Finance Afterwards

For 48 brief hours, you did not think about Microsoft Excel at all.

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Realizing How Old You Are

You don’t know these bands. You’re sleepy, and your feet hurt. This is the beginning of the end.

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Coming Down From The Drugs

When you start to notice how pathetic everyone actually looks, it will ruin everything.

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Being Murdered For VIP Wristband

They’ll live it up in the platinum-level air-conditioned lounge and stuff your body in a Porta-Potty.

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Someone Recording You Being Racist

It doesn’t matter if it’s a lyric in the song, you can kiss that career in marketing goodbye.

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Standing

Your body isn’t built to handle a weekend like this anymore.

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Getting Strangled By Harry Belafonte

Trust us. He’s stronger than he looks.

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Wolves

Dance as wildly as possible so they go for the weaker attendees.

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Being Hunted For Sport By Celebrities

Everyone glosses over this part of the Terms & Agreements for Coachella.

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The Bonebreaker

This legendarily fearsome barbarian warlord is unstoppable in combat, and he loves the communal energy of live music.

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Dance Floor Is A Hot Fajita Plate

While it may smell good, the honest truth is you’re being roasted alive in a delicious blend of Mexican herbs and spices.

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Laced Pyrotechnics

Many times pyrotechnics that are accidentally shot into packed crowds are laced with drugs like cocaine, methamphetamines, and even fentanyl.

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Boredom

It’s unfortunate, but the truth is that most music festivals are so boring that the majority of attendees blow their own brains out.

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Some Guy Starting Shit With You

Hey, what the fuck, dude?