If you die at a music festival, you die in real life. Here are the most dangerous things concert-goers should watch out for this year.
Most Dangerous Parts Of Attending A Music Festival
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Endless Crowd Surfing
Endless Crowd Surfing
Getting hoisted overhead by concertgoers seems fun at first, but not after weeks go by and they refuse to put you down.
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Dehydration
Dehydration
It’s dangerous, though understandable, to die rather than pay $15 for a water bottle.
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Being Overcharged for Drugs
Being Overcharged for Drugs
Failing to do some market research before your trip can cost you in the long run.
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Heart-To-Heart Conversations At 3 A.M.
Heart-To-Heart Conversations At 3 A.M.
At a festival, it may take first responders precious minutes to get to you before you completely open up to a stranger.
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Going Back To Working In Finance Afterwards
Going Back To Working In Finance Afterwards
For 48 brief hours, you did not think about Microsoft Excel at all.
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Realizing How Old You Are
Realizing How Old You Are
You don’t know these bands. You’re sleepy, and your feet hurt. This is the beginning of the end.
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Coming Down From The Drugs
Coming Down From The Drugs
When you start to notice how pathetic everyone actually looks, it will ruin everything.
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Being Murdered For VIP Wristband
Being Murdered For VIP Wristband
They’ll live it up in the platinum-level air-conditioned lounge and stuff your body in a Porta-Potty.
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Someone Recording You Being Racist
Someone Recording You Being Racist
It doesn’t matter if it’s a lyric in the song, you can kiss that career in marketing goodbye.
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Standing
Standing
Your body isn’t built to handle a weekend like this anymore.
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Getting Strangled By Harry Belafonte
Getting Strangled By Harry Belafonte
Trust us. He’s stronger than he looks.
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Wolves
Wolves
Dance as wildly as possible so they go for the weaker attendees.
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Being Hunted For Sport By Celebrities
Being Hunted For Sport By Celebrities
Everyone glosses over this part of the Terms & Agreements for Coachella.
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The Bonebreaker
The Bonebreaker
This legendarily fearsome barbarian warlord is unstoppable in combat, and he loves the communal energy of live music.
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Dance Floor Is A Hot Fajita Plate
Dance Floor Is A Hot Fajita Plate
While it may smell good, the honest truth is you’re being roasted alive in a delicious blend of Mexican herbs and spices.
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Laced Pyrotechnics
Laced Pyrotechnics
Many times pyrotechnics that are accidentally shot into packed crowds are laced with drugs like cocaine, methamphetamines, and even fentanyl.
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Boredom
Boredom
It’s unfortunate, but the truth is that most music festivals are so boring that the majority of attendees blow their own brains out.
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Some Guy Starting Shit With You
Some Guy Starting Shit With You
Hey, what the fuck, dude?
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