Most Idiotic Things Anti-Vaxxers Actually Think Will Cure Covid

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Kelp

You need to ingest over 100 pounds of the stuff in a 24-hour period to even have a shot at curing Covid, making this a functionally impossible cure.

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A Healthy Lifestyle

Even though this is sort of true, we can’t give anti-vaxxers too much or they’ll run with it.

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Supplements

Well, 50,000 times the recommended dosage of zinc can’t hurt, right?

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Slim Jims

While Slim Jims are a perfect snack for road trips, get togethers, or for just beating the midday munchies, the snappable beef treat does not, in fact, cure Covid.

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Hospital

A place people who’ve caught Covid go to to die.

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Burning Sage

While sage is a great cure for diseases ranging from the Flu to Parkinson’s, it is completely ineffective against Covid.

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Keeping The Sabbath Holy

Sorry, your Christian superstitions won’t work on a virus that only responds to Islamic rituals!

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Hydroxychloroquine

These gullible chumps really thought a malaria drug might treat Covid, just because the president of the United States and the most-watched news network in the country said it would, multiple times.

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Vaccines

While shunned as a preventive option, anti-vaxxers sometimes give vaccines a second look as treatment when they’re in the ER and it’s entirely too late.

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Grape Juice

Hey, I drank grape juice, and I got over Covid, so you can’t say it didn’t work, right? Prove it doesn’t work. Go on, prove it. You can’t, so, therefore, it worked.

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Supergluing Your Nose And Mouth Shut

While it might help prevent you catching Covid, it can’t do anything to help you if those particles sneak through.

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A Reprimand

Many anti-vaxxers believe that Covid can be treated simply by tilting one’s head down and giving the pulmonary virus a stern talking-to it won’t forget anytime soon.

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Eating 10 Cactuses And Then Drinking A Gallon Of Milk

This won’t work. Try it. And if you try it, please film it and send it to us.

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More Covid

You want less Covid, not more!

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Ivermectin

Jesus, let’s not get into this tonight. Pass the rolls, please?

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An Eyelash From Mariska Hargitay

The Law And Order: SVU actor has no idea how she got wrapped up in this, but she hasn’t slept in a year.

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Amethyst Crystals

Many anti-vaxxers mistakenly believe these crystals have healing powers that will rid them of Covid despite the fact that moonstone is much more effective.

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Having A Horse Kick You In The Chest

Covid is so resistant to treatment that only the force of hooves exploding outward into one’s chest has the power to crush it.

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Prayer

God got us into this mess, do you think he cares about getting us out?

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Acoustic Guitar

The only FDA-approved instrument for the treatment of respiratory disease remains the bugle.

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Something That Got Autocorrected To ‘Canada’

Not sure what their friend was getting at in the group chat, anti-vaxxers will nevertheless take it upon themselves to try things like candy, canapes, and canaries.

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Death

While it seems like common sense that dying would also mean an end to your Covid symptoms, a corpse can actually continue to have a serious cough and diarrhea for months after passing away.