Most Insidious Ways Politicians Have Curtailed U.S. Voting Rights

Allowing People Who Disagree With You To Vote

Nothing makes your vote more useless than allowing some uniformed dimwit who sheepishly does whatever he is told to vote for the opposite party from you.

Holding Ballots Above Voters Heads And Laughing As They Jump To Reach It

On average almost 10 million Americans are turned away at the polls using this widespread suppression tactic.

Making Standing In Lines A Felony

Many waiting outside their polling place don’t even know they’ve been disenfranchised until they’re being cuffed and read their Miranda rights by the officer at the front of the line.

Running Candidates Like Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, John McCain, George W. Bush, And Al Gore

Telling you that you have the right to vote without putting anyone worth voting for out there is pretty damn insidious.

Closing Polling Places After The Election

Many people can’t make it to their polling place until weeks after the election, making the decision to shut them down after a winner has been determined incredibly unfair.

Allowing Every Voter To Believe Their Vote Actually Counts

Letting you entertain the fiction that you have the right to go vote in an election and have it mean anything is one of the more deceptive ways politicians have eroded your rights.

Barring 37 States From Having Any Right To Vote

And because you can’t vote in Westsylvania, South Wyoming, or New London, it’s a guarantee that you won’t receive any media coverage of your plight either.

Doing A Terrible Job Once In Office

Doing absolutely nothing once elected is the most effective way to demoralize voters from even showing up to the ballot box.

Voter ID Laws

Many states have passed restrictive laws that only allow you to cast a ballot if you have a valid Liberty University student ID.

Failing To Make Toyotathon A National Holiday

How are voters supposed to get to their polling stations if they don’t have access to a 2022 RAV4 with 0% APR financing for qualified buyers?

Requiring All Ballots To Be Filled Out In Akkadian

The majority of Americans lack expertise in this dead language, making it nearly impossible for them to vote.

The Voting Ziggurat

To reach the ballot box atop this massive tower, voters must ascend more than 500 feet in steeply inclined ramps and nearly vertical staircases.

Kind Of Just Sitting There Shrugging In 2013 When The Supreme Court Shredded The Voting Rights Act

Whoops!

Only Keeping Polling Locations Open When New Episodes Of Yellowstone Are Airing

It’s disgusting to make people choose like this.

Restrict Early Voting To 500 Years Before Next Election

Forcing voters to guess who will be running and what our government even looks like five centuries from now all but ensures early voting has no impact.

Closing Polling Places For A Private U2 Concert

While politicians may claim that the local school gymnasium is the perfect venue to hear a live rendition of “Sunday Bloody Sunday” in an intimate setting, voters should be skeptical they couldn’t have scheduled for a different night.

Sleight Of Hand

Wow, that was amazing, but wait, can we get our ballot back?

Convince Americans Through Decades Of Words And Actions That The Political System Is Built Exclusively For The Benefit Of The Wealthy

This cunning strategy has ratfucked the electoral system for the past couple hundred years.

Mumbling The Date Of The Election Really Quietly So Constituents Can’t Hear

Sorry, did you say “Novlember Flourth”?

Making You Give Up A Different Right In Exchange For The Right To Vote

You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your right to assemble or get married just to vote.

Mobile Polling Places

It’s hard to cast your vote when your polling place is constantly circling your district on the back of a giant semi truck.