Violence and crime have been part of American history since the earliest explorers arrived on the continent and killed whoever they found before stealing their land. The Onion looks back at the most notorious criminals in the country’s history.


John Wayne Gacy:

Dressed up like a clown and murdered people, which, you’ve got to remember, didn’t seem as hokey and contrived back in the ’70s as it would now.

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Whitey Bulger:

Ran the infamous Winter Hill Gang, a Boston crime network whose members were infamous for being slightly more violent than the average Boston resident.


Ted Kaczynski:

This domestic terrorist is also known as the “Unabomber” because that is much easier to spell.

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H.H. Holmes:

The convicted serial killer technically didn’t do anything illegal because he killed his victims inside his own home.

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Charles Ponzi:

An Italian-born con artist notorious for a fraudulent money-making scheme so morally reprehensible that it became the foundation of the modern U.S. economy.

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John Dillinger:

This Depression-era bank robber paid for his crimes by getting shot to death in an alley and later being portrayed onscreen by Johnny Depp.

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Whoever Stole Our Lunch From The Office Fridge Twice Last Week:

Please stop doing that.


John Wilkes Booth:

In his lifetime, Booth became one of the most famous Americans to ever kill Abraham Lincoln.

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