BROOMFIELD, CO—In a move that many have criticized as rash and insensitive, inside sources confirmed Thursday that CEO Tim Casey of the baked goods conglomerate Mrs. Fields was under fire for laying off more than 1,000 employees via an oversized frosted cookie cake. “If you’ve been invited to take a bite of this delicious 12-inch chocolate chip cookie, then you are unfortunately part of the group that is being laid off today,” said Casey, who urged the outgoing staff members to help themselves to a piece before it was all gone, explaining that the cursive words rendered in gourmet buttercream frosting constituted legal notice of their immediate termination. “As CEO, I believe it is my responsibility to invite you to the break room and serve you this sweet treat myself. I hope learning of your dismissal in such a tasty manner makes the news easier to bear. Regardless, this cookie cake represents the entirety of your severance package.” At press time, Casey had reportedly succumbed to outside pressure to smooth the transition for departing employees by providing workers and their families with a complimentary three-month subscription to the Mrs. Fields Cookie Club.