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SAN SALVADOR, EL SALVADOR—Praising U.S. law enforcement officials for the unfettered cruelty they have unleashed along the Mexican border, MS-13 gang leader Edwin Manica Flores admitted Tuesday that observing ICE’s work in recent weeks has provided him with quite a bit of inspiration. “Seriously, we would have never thought of keeping kids in a cage like that—in fact, that’s kind of off-limits for us—but you can’t deny the genius behind it,” said Manica Flores, observing that when one of these children or parents goes on to commit suicide out of sheer grief, federal authorities won’t even be held criminally liable for the death. “Sure, we have our fair share of evil tactics, but that ICE shit is next-level brilliant. I guess we can’t beat ourselves up too much, though, considering those guys have one of the most powerful governments in the world backing them. I’d love to meet one of those ICE motherfuckers, just to pick his brain a little, you know? We may force 9-year-olds to join MS-13, but the United States is putting them in cages like wild animals. That’s straight savage!” Manica Flores went on to suggest that if his men were half as nasty as ICE, they would control 100 percent of U.S. drug trafficking within weeks.

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