LOUISVILLE, KY—After a week in which four horses at the racetrack died—in some cases suddenly and without explanation—Churchill Downs announced Friday that the mysterious deaths were being investigated by a world-renowned horse detective ahead of tomorrow’s Kentucky Derby. “Though on the surface these tragic losses appear to be the result of four unrelated incidents, one can never be too sure, and so we’ve retained the services of famed equine sleuth Reginald P. Trotsworth,” said Churchill Downs representative Joseph Lyons, who cited some of the many notorious mysteries solved by Trotsworth, including the Case of the Jittery Jockeys, Secretariat and the Missing Lariat, and the Mint Julep Murders. “He’s already begun clopping around the track and sniffing at the ground for clues, assisted as always by his trusty stable-boy sidekick, Hayseed. We’re more than confident he’ll get to the bottom of these baffling deaths, despite his debilitating addiction to sugar cubes.” At press time, Trotsworth had used his extraordinary powers of deductive reasoning to prove that all four horses were murdered by the sport of horse racing.
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